Reasons
by NirvanaFreakSC
Summary: Pre-season one. Logan blames Veronica for everything. Please r&r!
1. Default Chapter

Hi, okay, this is a one-shot, it's a pre-series, and my first VM fic! Please r&r.

Reasons

Ever since he met Veronica Mars he was fucked. The day he first saw her in her cute little soccer uniform, he was fucked for the rest of his life. He didn't know it then, but he knew it now and that was all that mattered. She fucked him so hard that he didn't know right from wrong. All that was wrong in his life was because of her.

The first time his father hit him was when he stood up for her when his father was talking shit about her father, that he was a shitty cop because he gave Aaron a speeding ticket. The first time him and Lily kissed was propelled by her lack of interest in him, and then he fell in love with Lily because of her. The first time him and Lily broke up was because he looked at her too long.

It was all her fault.

If he hadn't stood up for her, his father wouldn't have hit him, at least not then. If he hadn't had a miniscule crush on her he wouldn't have kissed Lily and never would have fallen in love with her, and wouldn't feel the pain he did whenever he thought of his dead, murdered love. If she hadn't grown boobs before Lily, they never would have broken up.

If she wasn't everything he thought about he wouldn't be pressing his razor to his wrist. She was the reason for it all. Veronica fucking Mars.

He knew she wasn't responsible for Lily's death and he knew she loved her as much as he did, but she was responsible for the pain that losing Lily caused him.

So he sat in his shower, fully dressed and soaked to the bone with his razor, no, it wasn't his razor it was Lily's, it was pink and it was pressed against his skin, itching to be pushed into it.

"Logan?"

Why was she here? Didn't she know it was all her fault?

He didn't move, he just laughed. At himself. At her. At Duncan. At his parents.

At Lily.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was panicked. As if she cared. She reached over him and turned the water off, while he laughed insanely about everything in his life.

"Logan?" Her voice was so soft and caring that it made him stop laughing and look at her. She looked beautiful. He wanted to fucking kill her. He wanted to yell and scream at her; verbally blame her for everything. "What are you doing with the razor, Logan?"

"I'm shaving my legs." He started laughing again. "What the fuck do you think I'm fucking doing. Ronnie? My girlfriend is dead. There's nothing left for me here. So why don't you just run along to your boyfriend, you know Lily's brother? And fuck him over the way you fucked me over."

"What are you talking about?"

"Get out! Get the fuck out! I hate you! I fucking hate you!" He got up and started throwing towels and face clothes and bottles of shampoo at her until she ran out of the bathroom with tears running down her face.

The room smelled like coconuts. And he was crying, and punching, and kicking. There was glass all over the room. Veronica appeared in the doorway. He looked over to her in the midst of his rage and screamed at the top of his lungs and threw his fist through the sliding glass door of the shower. He fell to the ground, his body wracking with sobs. Veronica still stood in the doorway. He felt her move slowly towards him and knelt down to his level.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."

He looked up at her and nodded. He wrapped his arms around her, their sobs in sync with each other. They clung to each other in the middle of his bathroom floor with shards of glass surrounding them and Logan's blood on a few pieces.

He forgave her the second she apologized, but would never be able to look at her the same way ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, I decided to explain the forgiving and tormenting thing in this chapter. This part is a lot less detached then the one previous. It's really short. It's set at Lily's funeral.

Logan stood behind Duncan Kane and stared into her grave as Jake Kane shoveled the first pile of dirt into his baby girl's grave and Celeste Kane cried into the shoulder of her stoic son. Veronica Mars stood beside him, her tiny hand, in comparison to his, clung to his, he was sure his clutch was much stronger, as tears slid down her perfectly done up face.

It was a cold and dreary day, perfect weather as the background of this day of horror for all those in attendance of this young woman's funeral. It started to rain the moment Jake Kane stepped away from her grave. Fitting.

The hard rain broke Logan's stare and he gave Duncan's shoulder a hesitant squeeze and then held the broken girl close to him; she was all of Lily he had left. And she was Lily's protégé; the way she saved him from himself, the way Lily used to; the way her blonde hair shined in the light, just like Lily's had.

He led her to her car with his arm around her shoulders and his jacket above their heads to protect them for the tears of the people who cried for Lily. She felt like Lily beside him and he suddenly went rigid and Veronica noticed and looked at him sympathetically. But he smiled tight and walked slightly faster to her car, dropping her off, telling her he'll talk to her later.

But he had no intention of calling her because she was all he had left of Lily. He couldn't get too close or else she'd burn him. He'd already been burned by Lily because of her, now he wouldn't let himself be burned directly by her.

He knew he had the capability of loving her, not because she was like Lily, but because she was Veronica Mars. She was one of a kind, and she had been the closest person to Lily. She was still close to Lily. If he fell for her and something happened he wouldn't make it.

So he chose to hate her. To torment her. To cause her pain. To ensure she wouldn't cause him pain.

He watched her drive away and stared after her car, knowing he'd be miserable until he let himself feel for anyone the way he felt for Lily.


End file.
